Temple marriage is always best! Err... maybe not in this case.

When you're faithful Mormon, a temple marriage is the ultimate goal. For many it is the ultimate reason for their Earthly existence. It enables people to be sealed to their families by a bond that can not be broken by death and qualifies them for exaltation. So it should always be sought after at the expense of everything else, right?

One if my in-laws is in his mid 30s and has never been married, despite his best efforts. He is a stand up guy, but for whatever reason hasn't found somebody that he has connected with on that kind of level yet. I think that finding a spouse and having a family is one of his greatest desires. As things currently stand, he may have a legitimate shot in the near future as he is in a relationship with a woman he really seems to have a connection with. The thing is, the situation is a little messy.

The woman he is dating has been married before. She and her husband were sealed in the temple, had two beautiful children together, and were deeply in love. Then he was killed in a tragic accident.

I can't even begin to imagine what this must have been like for her. Being at a similar point in my own marriage, the thought of losing my spouse now truly makes me shudder. To her credit, she was able to carry on and for the past few years has been able to raise her two kids a single mom, and keep it together much better than I would in a similar circumstance.

Now that a few years have passed, she feels ready to pursue a relationship again. The problem lies in the fact that she is already sealed to her first husband and can not be sealed to another man. For my brother-in-law, this means that his goal and dream of a temple marriage can not happen if he marries her. He will raise kids who can not be his after death. Further, has no guarantee that he would be sealed to any of his future children.

Things aren't any better for the young woman as this scenario seriously decreases her odds of finding another husband or father for her kids, assuming that she wants to marry in the faith. They are both stuck in an impossible situation. The policy as it stands severely inhibits either of them from fulfilling a righteous desire.

Interestingly, in the early days of LDS polygamy there were several instances where polyandry was sanctioned and carried out by leaders of the church. So one can't really make the argument that it's prohibition is an eternal principle as it has been done before. It is also of interest that if gender roles were reversed, this situation wouldn't be an issue to the degree that it is now.

Eternal marriage seems like it's always a great thing as long as divorce and death never happen. Too bad that's not a reality in the real world.

"Be true to yourself"

A few years ago my grandpa passed away. He gathered each of his grand kids around his hospital bed one at a time to give each of us some personal advice, as he knew that his remaining days on the Earth would be short. These were his words to me: "Be true. Be true to yourself and what you know is right."

As we lived in different states and only saw each other briefly once a year or so, I was never particularly close to my grandpa. He was an old-fashioned, Idaho farmer who seemed to be in a different world that I had difficulty relating to. I guess that's part of the reason why his advice didn't mean much to me at the time. After all, he didn't know me well enough to get very personal in a meaningful way.

At the time I figured that he meant to always be true to the Gospel, assuming that I would always believe it and could use the encouragement to remain faithful throughout my life. Ironically, now being true to myself requires leaving the church and explaining God in a different way. On my heart of hearts, there are many things that have been said and done by LDS prophets that do not sit well with me and make it very difficult for me to remain a faithful member and continue to support an organization that doesn't wholly represent my values.

Should I be true to myself and do what I personally believe is right even if it means saying adios to the church?

What am I ultimately accountable to - how well I follow the dictates of my own conscience, or how well I follow what a supposed prophet tells me to do, when I have serious doubts about his divine authority?